


a conversation of great importance.

by pyroallerdyce



Series: captured moments. [19]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/M, One Shot Collection, Short One Shot, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23933752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyroallerdyce/pseuds/pyroallerdyce
Summary: He wasn't entirely sure why he was thinking that way.  Rey had made it very clear on several occasions that she was in this for the long haul, that she never wanted it to end, but Ben just wasn't sure that she was being serious.  He'd had previous girlfriends say that they were there for the long haul too, only to cheat on him with guys who were much, much better than he was.  He'd always been hurt when that happened, but he'd also understood.  No one would ever actually want to be with him for the rest of their lives.But somewhere deep down, he knew Rey would never do that to him.or:  Ben's got some things to say to Rey and it's time to tell her.  He's terrified.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: captured moments. [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602691
Comments: 9
Kudos: 50





	a conversation of great importance.

**Author's Note:**

> Here is one shot #19 in this little universe. Cannot believe I've written so many of these. There will be more, of course, but I'm not sure how many there will be in total. We shall see!
> 
> New one shot in this series every Monday and/or Friday. I know this is Thursday and not Friday, but have this anyway. 
> 
> And as always, if you like what you read here, please let me know via a comment or kudos or bookmark so that I know I'm not writing into a void. Enjoy!

Ben really wanted to have sex with Rey. 

He wanted to let his guard down and tell her that he was ready. He wanted to know if she would feel as good around him as her heavenly mouth did. He wanted to find out. He really did. But he didn't want to turn into one of those stereotypical men who only say they love someone because they want more sex, and he was terribly afraid that Rey would think that was the case.

He was just afraid that it would fuck everything up if he broke down, told her that he loved her, and they actually had sex.

He wasn't entirely sure why he was thinking that way. Rey had made it very clear on several occasions that she was in this for the long haul, that she never wanted it to end, but Ben just wasn't sure that she was being serious. He'd had previous girlfriends say that they were there for the long haul too, only to cheat on him with guys who were much, much better than he was. He'd always been hurt when that happened, but he'd also understood. No one would ever actually want to be with him for the rest of their lives.

But somewhere deep down, he knew Rey would never do that to him.

If he was to let down the guard that he had up and actually have sex with her, then he was going to want her there all the time. And it wasn't that he didn't already want her there all the time, it would be a different kind of wanting her there all the time. A sexual kind of wanting her there all the time. And he hated that. He should want her there for reasons that were much different than that.

And he already did, but he was afraid of fucking all of that up too.

But when they settled back against the mattress after bringing each other to what Ben could only refer to as the sweetest ecstasy imaginable, the words escaped him before he could even think about it. “I want to have sex with you. But I'm terrified.”

Rey slid closer to him and pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder. “Why are you terrified?”

“I don't want to fuck this up,” Ben said honestly. “And I guess I'm just afraid that it would be the beginning of the end because that's what it always was with everyone else.”

“I don't see how us having sex could possibly be the beginning of the end,” Rey murmured. “So I'm going to need you to explain this to me.”

Ben took six deep breaths before responding. “I don't think I'm very good at it.”

Rey let out a small laugh. “Something tells me that you're wrong about that.”

“But I'm not,” Ben said, taking another ten deep breaths. “Have I gone home with some ladies at bars every once in a while just to get off with someone else? Yes. But whenever I'm in a relationship and we start having sex, all that has ever led to was my girlfriends finding someone else to fuck. And so sex is the beginning of the end.”

Rey trailed her fingers down Ben's chest. “Every girlfriend you've had has cheated on you?”

Ben nodded. “Every single one.”

“I'd never do that to you, Ben,” Rey said softly. “I promise.”

“Yeah, but what if I can't satisfy you? You can't honestly tell me that you wouldn't find someone who could.”

Rey reached out and turned Ben's head so he was looking at her. “Ben, you have a wickedly talented tongue and a massive dick that I'm not even sure will fit. I cannot imagine that you won't be able to satisfy me because you've been satisfying me plenty.”

“Really?” Ben asked, hating how vulnerable he sounded.

“Yes, really,” Rey said, tangling her fingers in his hair.

Ben swallowed hard. “I'm trying, Rey. I'm trying so hard. I'm just so afraid of losing you.”

“You're not going to lose me,” Rey soothed. “I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to leave. That would break my heart, but if you said you didn't want this, then I'd go.”

“I want this,” Ben said before taking eight deep breaths. “You deserve to hear this in a much better way than this.”

“Hear what, honey?”

Ben swallowed hard again. “Rey, I love you. And it motherfucking terrifies me that you don't feel the same way.”

Rey leaned forward and kissed Ben deeply. “I do feel the same way. I love you, Ben.”

“Really?” Ben asked again, the vulnerability back in his voice.

“I swear it,” Rey murmured, kissing him again. “I don't say those words easily, but with you, they're the easiest thing in the world to say.”

Ben closed his eyes and savored the thought that Rey loved him. Rey loved him and he loved Rey and all was right in the world.

Except for the living situation questions.

He took twelve deep breaths and then opened his eyes. “Where are you living right now?”

Rey gave him a confused look. “What?”

“On our first date, you said your lease was up in a month and that you'd need to move, and you've never brought it up again. So, where are you living right now?”

“I really haven't mentioned it?”

Ben shook his head. “No, you haven't.”

“Oh,” Rey said, gently running her fingers through Ben's hair. “I'm sorry, honey. I really should have done that.”

“Will you please answer my question before my anxiety gets the best of me?” Ben snapped, immediately feeling awful. “Fuck, I didn't mean to do that.”

“Why are you so anxious about wondering where I'm living?” Rey asked calmly.

Ben took four deep breaths. “Because I'm afraid that the answer is with me,” he said softly. 

“I can see how you would think that,” Rey said after a moment. “I do spend every night here now. But no, honey, I'm not living here. I'm sleeping on Finn's sofa. Or, well, I would be if I spent the night in his apartment.”

Ben felt like something released in his chest. “Oh. That's good.”

“Is there a problem with the idea of me living here?” Rey asked carefully. “Because I can take some of my stuff back to Finn's if that's making you uncomfortable.”

“No,” Ben said quickly. “I just didn't want you to have moved in without me realizing it, that's all. I thought it was something that at least warranted a conversation.”

Rey trailed her fingers down the side of Ben's face. “Do you want to have that conversation?”

“I think we just did.”

“Ben, I'm being serious.”

“So am I,” Ben said, knowing that what he was about to do was the right thing but still being absolutely terrified at the thought. “You're already living here. You might as well have all of your stuff here too. I don't know where we'll put the furniture but...”

Rey captured his lips in a deep kiss and Ben got confirmation that he'd done the right thing. “You really want me to live here full time?”

Ben nodded, too afraid to speak, which just made Rey kiss him again. “I'd love to move in, honey.”

Ben took three deep breaths. “Great. That is really great.”

Rey laughed. “How long have you been wanting to ask me that?”

“For a while,” Ben admitted. “But I was terrified. And then I had this epiphany in the middle of a lecture about the fact that I didn't know where you were living and everything became terrifying for the last two days before I brought it up with you today.”

“Ben, whenever you need me to tell you that there's no reason to be scared, tell me. I will do whatever I have to do to help you.” Rey smiled at him. “I'm so glad to know that you love me. I was getting kind of scared that you didn't, no matter how much Leia and Padmé told me that you did.”

“I'm sorry,” Ben murmured. “You should have heard that a long time ago.”

“It's okay, honey,” Rey said, settling her head on his shoulder. “I think Finn's going to be really happy to get all those boxes out of his living room.”

“I really don't know where we're going to put your furniture,” Ben said, looking around his bedroom. “But we are going to need at least your dresser.”

“I'll have to get a new one,” Rey said. “I sold all my furniture when I moved out because I had nowhere to put it.”

Ben looked down at her. “You did? Why didn't you tell me that?”

Rey closed her eyes for a few moments before deciding that she needed to be honest. “My first night here was a week before my lease was up. And once I saw how nice all of your stuff is, and that there would be hardly any room for any of my stuff, I decided to just sell all of it so that when this time came, I wouldn't have eighteen tons of shit to try to wedge in here between your bookshelves.”

Ben swallowed hard. “You've been thinking about moving in with me for that long.”

“I told you, honey, I've been all in for a very long time.”

Ben shifted around until he was facing her, letting his hand trail down her arm. “You're so patient with me. I don't deserve it.”

“You deserve more than you think you do,” Rey replied, smiling when Ben kissed her. “I'll be as patient as I need to be, okay? These things need to happen on your terms, not mine.”

“I wish it wasn't like this,” Ben mumbled. “I wish I could be normal.”

“Shh, none of that,” Rey said, pressing a finger to his lips. “Normal is a societal construct made for people to feel bad because they don't fit into a specific box. I like that you're not that box. I love you just the way you are, Ben. I don't want you to change. I just want you to not be as afraid as you are.”

Ben took nine deep breaths. “I had a dream about you that I think I need to tell you about. It kind of really fucked me up.”

Rey gave him a puzzled look. “Why would a dream about me fuck you up?”

“Because I introduced you to Auntie Mara,” Ben said, pausing to make sure that he had control of his emotions. “She loved you. And I just...I hated that dream because it's something that can never happen and so I can never know if that's true. And it just fucked me up. It kept me from doing things with you that I really wanted to do, such as tell you that I love you and that I want to have sex with you. So I hate that dream. I hate it so much.”

Rey caressed the side of Ben's face. “I had a dream like that too, but not with Mara. I had it with my parents.”

“Your parents?” 

“I'm pretty sure that you've worked out by now that they're dead,” Rey said, surprising herself with the steadiness of her voice. “I don't want to tell you what happened yet, but they're gone. It's why I came here to live with my grandfather. I miss them so, so much. And about three weeks ago, I had a dream that I introduced you to them. And they loved you. It just made me sad that it can't happen in real life more than anything else. But I believe that they would have loved you in real life too. I really do.”

Ben pulled Rey closer to him and kissed her tenderly. “I am so sorry, Rey. I thought that they might be gone but I didn't know for sure.”

Rey nodded and Ben kissed her again. “It's really hard for me to talk about. But you deserve to know what happened. I just can't say it today.”

“And that's fine,” Ben said, looking over at the clock. “We're going to have to get up soon anyway. You've only got two hours till your shift starts.”

“Ugh,” Rey groaned, rolling onto her back. “I really don't want to go to work.”

“I know that feeling well. But you need to,” Ben murmured, kissing her shoulder. “I need you there tonight so I can introduce Zorii to you.”

“I'm very much looking forward to meeting this woman that has Poe so turned inside out,” Rey said, laughing slightly. “I just wish I was having dinner with you instead of serving it to you.”

“Some night,” Ben said, snagging one of Rey's hands and kissing it. “And then when we get home tonight, maybe we attempt the sex thing.”

Rey looked over at him. “Are you sure?”

Ben nodded. “It might take a few times for me to be able to actually do it though.”

“I will happily be here for every attempt then,” Rey murmured, looking over Ben at the clock. “I've got an hour before I have to get up. Would you like to have a little celebratory fun?”

“Meaning?”

Rey reached out and pushed Ben onto his back, climbing on top of him. “I thought maybe you'd let me taste you again.”

Ben groaned at the thought. “Rey.”

Rey just bent and kissed him. “You telling me you love me and then asking me to move in means that you did something good. Let me reward you for it.”

Rey was sliding down his body before Ben could say a word, and he closed his eyes and relaxed into the mattress as Rey began to play his body like a violin. 

He loved her.

She loved him.

She was going to move in.

They were going to attempt to have sex that night.

Things were good. 

Really good.

Ben just hoped they'd stay that way.


End file.
